Debate 101: Grown-Ups Only.

This year’s presidential election started way too early. Oh sure, at first I was really interested in the fancy charts during the primaries that showed varying shades of blue and red by party candidate, but my interest waned as the primaries went on… and on… and on. As we speed towards the actual election however, I find it necessary to check back into the candidates.

I am encouraged that so many people seem invested in the upcoming election and hopeful that this will carry through to actual voter turnout. I am increasingly disappointed , however, in the behavior of my friends and family as it relates to discussing the candidates and their personal political viewpoints.

The information being tossed around on email, Facebook and countless kitchens, hallways and elevators is inappropriate, often times inaccurate, and downright childish. More than that, though, its trivializing what is shaping up to be the most pivotal election of our generation.

Do yourself a favor and act like a grown-up. I guarantee you that knocking McCain for his email typing limitations (caused by injuries sustained as a POW) or incorrectly slamming Obama for swearing into office on the Koran (he swore in on his own bible) isn’t going to sway anyone over to your side of the fence. Its not going to do anything for people’s opinion of you, either.

Politics shouldn’t polarize people; differing opinions are the basis for the debates that should lead to the best solutions for all parties involved. Here’s how to do it right, no matter what you’re discussing.

Respect the opinions of others. This one is so basic it almost hurts me to have to include it. Just as you are entitled to your beliefs, everyone else is entitled to theirs. That’s not to say that your opinion of someone won’t change if you have different beliefs then them, and that opinion may affect your relationship, but under no circumstances is it appropriate to degrade the person, or their opinion. You can disagree without insult.

Check the facts. Twenty-four hour media and the internet have provided unlimited access to information, but information alone shouldn’t be a replacement for using your brain, or better yet, using judgment. Take a few minutes to cite your source before blasting everyone in your address book.

Fact Check on McCain Typing
Fact Check on Obama Swearing In

Debate the real issues, not the ones that provide good fodder for water cooler jokes. Talk about the election issues that will determine how we interact with the global economy, whether you’ll have healthcare when you retire and what kind of world it will be for your children and children’s children.

Know your limits. If discussing issues with a supporter of the party opposite yours brings your blood pressure up and results in you screaming profanities, you should probably keep political discussions (and a whole lot of other topics) within your closest group of friends. If you can’t debate logically, respectfully and in a civil tone, then you shouldn’t do it. I know people who can’t talk about Notre Dame football without getting into a screaming match, myself included, so there’s no reason to feel bad about excusing yourself from any heated discussion.

Don’t forget to vote! Its your responsibility, it’s the only way to enact change in our current political structure, and if you don’t, you’ll have nothing to complain about with the new administration.

If you haven’t received an invitation, you're not invited.

I go to a lot of events. LOTS. Birthdays, baby showers, graduations, weddings, wedding showers, christenings/dedications… the list goes on and on. And while my pocketbook is cringing a little with each gift, I am happy to attend these events in support of my friends, family, co-workers, etc. I’ve noticed a disturbing trend, though, that warrants some discussion: the assumption that one is on the guest list.

It is at the discretion of the guest of honor and/or the host of an event to determine the guest list. There are a lot of factors that go into this list: cost (and who is providing the funds), size, location, type of event, venue, who the guest of honor/host wants to share in the event and how the guests will interact with each other. You should never make the assumption that you are on the guest list.

• Who is on the guest list isn’t necessarily an indication of those guests’ level of closeness to the guest of honor, although it may be.
• Every person has their own level of inclusion; some people don’t invite co-workers to personal events, period. You shouldn’t take it personally.
• Often times it is difficult to include one person from a group, for example your favorite cousin, without extending to a much larger group, say all seven of your cousins and their spouses. Including part of a category of guests can be tricky to pull off (especially with family). Including the full category, though, can really screw with your guest total.
• Invitations to events are not reciprocal. Having invited someone to your birthday party does not guarantee an invite to theirs.
  
  

If you haven’t received an invitation, you’re not invited. And it is not appropriate to solicit an invitation from the guest of honor. Inserting yourself into an event is presumptuous, no matter how entitled you feel to an invitation or how close you think you are to the guest of honor.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, but I really AM on the invitation list! Something terrible must have happened to your invitation, like an accident at the printers or a typo in your address. You’re thinking it would be rude of you not to follow up with the guest of honor to make sure he/she knows that you aren’t deliberately failing to RSVP, but that you had no idea you were even invited to the special event!

That’s certainly a possibility; sometimes your invitation IS actually lost in the mail. It happened to me last fall and I was only officially invited to a friend’s baby shower when I got the dreaded email stating the hostesses hadn’t received my RSVP. I’ll get a post out about the right way to inquire for the rare occurrence of a missing invitation– along with a guideline as to the likelihood you’re actually on the guest list – soon.

For now, trust me that if you’re meant to be invited someone will contact you when they haven’t heard back with your RSVP. That’s the nature of hosted events.

If someone doesn’t get in touch with you, then you aren’t invited. Don’t take it too personally and don’t let it define your relationship with the guest of honor. If you care about that person more than a slice of bakery cake you’ll find a way to support and celebrate the event on your own. Ultimately that will mean more than your participation in a game of toilet-paper-the-bride.