Good Form! The Courtesy of Your Response.

It is my curse in life that I, who care so much about the courtesy of responding to others, would encounter so many individuals who either don’t care or don’t know about this most basic social nicety.

It happens to me at work, like when someone has told me he’ll get a file to me by a certain time but then doesn’t. When I call to ask when to expect the now over-thirty-minutes-late file I get an off-hand response, "Oh, we’re having issues sending the file, we should have it to you shortly." First of all, I know there is some sort of issue, otherwise I’d have the file. Second of all, why wasn’t I called half an hour ago when he knew he wouldn’t have the file in on time?

It happens to me in the early stages of dating, like when we’ve made plans to meet for dinner with friends but then he just doesn’t show up. Or return any phone calls that night leading up to or after the dinner. When we talk later he says, "I was at work and it ran really late and then I was tired and I fell asleep", as if that negates my reservation for four and asking my friends to wait to see if he was going to show before ordering.

It happens with events, like when you are sitting in traffic on 290E a solid 10 miles from your exit inching forward and my birthday dinner starts in 15 minutes. You know you’re not going to be on time but instead of calling me you just show up late and blame traffic. There was traffic, yes, but you’re mostly late because you didn’t leave enough time to swing by Target to pick up a gift, wrap and a card. (Thank you for the lovely gift, by the way)

What is it about society today that we do not have the courtesy to send a text message, email or phone call to let people know we’re running behind and not to wait to start, or that our plans have changed and we won’t be able to make an event? It certainly isn’t the lack of technology, and it isn’t a shortage of time. IT’S A LACK OF COURTESY, AND IT'S IN TERRIBLY BAD FORM.

I think people are discourteous mostly because they know the other person won’t like what they have to say. They don’t want to hear the disappointment or want to answer the question "why aren't you coming?", especially when the reason is personal or they are at fault in a negative response. Its understandable that people like to be liked, and want to be in the favor of friends, family and co-workers. Its understandable, yes, but its also unbelievably rude to just leave people hanging.

The fact is, when you don’t give someone the courtesy of a reply, follow through or general heads up that you should have it's your bad. It's your bad in almost every single circumstance short of getting a concussion and being in the hospital (which I’ve actually gotten). At the very least, you owe that person the courtesy of providing them with a response and, if asked, the reason. That’s not to say that the other person has to like the answer, and they don’t have to accept your reason, but they deserve to hear it.

Being courteous doesn’t absolve you from other bad behavior you may be exhibiting, for example being late all the time is still rude even when you consistently tell your friends you’re going to be late. You have a much better chance of staying in their good graces, though, if you give them a heads up when you are genuinely running behind schedule. Well, that an extra bottle of wine should do the trick, anyway.