If You Don’t Want to Share Space, Get Off the Bus

I’ve lived and worked in the city for around eight years now, and between a few different jobs, living on the north and south side of the loop and friends just about everywhere I’ve gotten a pretty good grasp on the public transportation behemoth that is the CTA.

I personally like the CTA. Its not always as convenient as driving my own car door to door but it’s a hell of a lot cheaper than parking and most of the time I can easily map out a route that doesn’t involve more than one transfer. Of course its also better for the environment but you know what I really get a kick out of? People watching.

I love how people are afraid of standing in the middle of el trains and insist on crowding like sardines by the doors. I always smile at the guy who insists I take his seat on the #1 because he gets off at 18th and then tells me to have a great day several times before getting off and waving from the street. I silently cheer when people give up their seat for pregnant women or people with babies. I wonder how many people who are sound asleep miss their stop, or if they just know when to wake up.

Not everyone on the bus is entertaining or crazy, though. Some of you are downright rude. Riding public transportation involves transporting with the public. You don’t always get your favorite seat, or any seat for that matter, and you may not like who you’re sitting next to. There aren’t any cup holders and you can’t control the temperature or how good the bus driver is at accelerating. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO SHARE SPACE, GET OFF THE BUS.

What we need is a quick refresher on CTA etiquette. Let’s stick with the basics:

• Watch your things. I often carry a large bag and of course accidents happen, but hitting someone on the head with your backpack while you walk past is uncalled for.
• Sometimes public transportation runs behind schedule and gets crowded. Don’t add to the problem by being indignant, instead make yourself small and realize that everyone else is uncomfortable, too.
• When the bus starts to get crowded, you should move to the back. The back isn’t by the back door and the steps, no, that’s still the middle of the bus. The back involves walking up the steps.
• When you’re on a crowded el, you should move to the middle and the ends. Standing by the door makes it harder for everyone to get on, get off, or not knock others down when the train is moving.
• Just because someone is blocking the aisle doesn’t mean you have to stand behind them. Say excuse me and head to a roomier area of the car. If you’re interested in sitting you’ll probably be in a better position when seats open up, too.
• Give people with luggage a break. Neither the bus nor the el trains are particular well designed for people with rolling suitcases, but I would rather lug my suitcase onto the bus then spend $30-$40 on a cab ride. I know its awkward to get around my bag but I’m not blocking the aisle just to annoy you.

Just one more that’s a personal irritant of mine. Are you one of those people who are terrified you won’t be able to get off the el or bus when it stops at your stop? I think you’re overreacting but I can respect that you don’t want to be rushed getting off. Do everyone a favor, though, don’t ask people to get up and adjust their position when the bus is moving - that just makes it harder for everyone, especially if the bus/train is crowded. Stand up and move towards the door with the people getting off on the stop before yours. You won’t be panicked and the rest of us won’t be annoyed.

With public transportation you have to cut everyone a little slack. Sometimes you’re the one having a too-loud-for-the-bus conversation on your cell phone and sometimes the guy next to you has an excessively wet umbrella dripping on your shoes. Find yourself a spot, plant your feet and enjoy the show. Just don’t forget to hold on.

What You Should Say Is "Congratulations!"

As we round out the holidays this year I find myself once again overflowing with pregnancy and engagement announcements. I couldn’t be happier for all the new lives and marriages that will be coming in 2009, and unfortunately I’m not surprised that these announcements also bring with them stories of the astoundingly inappropriate responses that have followed the news.

For example, the sister of a newly engaged bride-to-be asking “Why is it so tiny?” in reference to her sister’s engagement ring. Or hearing “Are you happy about it?” upon hearing that your friends are having a girl even though they weren’t trying to get pregnant.

Sometimes I wonder where everyone was the day they taught manners.

WHAT YOU SHOULD SAY IS “CONGRATULATIONS!”, no matter what your personal feelings are on the news being shared with you. It should be said with enthusiasm, with perhaps one specific exception when you would phrase it more as an upbeat question… “Congratulations?!". This exception of course refers to when you have a valid reason to believe the bearer of “good news” may think the news is actually bad.

Regardless, there is no room for what you think about the news in your initial response, you’re not being asked for an opinion. You’ve been given the result of a decision that has already been made and what you should return is your support for that decision.

Don’t worry, if the bearer of the news is questioning whether that news is good and you are close enough to them that they want your opinion, they’ll bring it up on their own. If they want your opinion, they’ll ask for it, and it is within that context that sharing your true feelings on the subject is appropriate.

In the meantime, be the supportive and loving friend you truly are (or should be). Invite your pal to grab a glass of bubbly to celebrate that sparkling new diamond… sparkling juice for the mom-to-be, of course.

BONUS TIP! If the good news isn’t yours personally, be sure to check with the rightful owner before you pass the details along to mutual friends, acquaintances or work associates. You don’t want to take away from their moment and you certainly don’t want to imply that your friendship is closer than theirs since you got the information directly.