What You Should Say Is "Congratulations!"

As we round out the holidays this year I find myself once again overflowing with pregnancy and engagement announcements. I couldn’t be happier for all the new lives and marriages that will be coming in 2009, and unfortunately I’m not surprised that these announcements also bring with them stories of the astoundingly inappropriate responses that have followed the news.

For example, the sister of a newly engaged bride-to-be asking “Why is it so tiny?” in reference to her sister’s engagement ring. Or hearing “Are you happy about it?” upon hearing that your friends are having a girl even though they weren’t trying to get pregnant.

Sometimes I wonder where everyone was the day they taught manners.

WHAT YOU SHOULD SAY IS “CONGRATULATIONS!”, no matter what your personal feelings are on the news being shared with you. It should be said with enthusiasm, with perhaps one specific exception when you would phrase it more as an upbeat question… “Congratulations?!". This exception of course refers to when you have a valid reason to believe the bearer of “good news” may think the news is actually bad.

Regardless, there is no room for what you think about the news in your initial response, you’re not being asked for an opinion. You’ve been given the result of a decision that has already been made and what you should return is your support for that decision.

Don’t worry, if the bearer of the news is questioning whether that news is good and you are close enough to them that they want your opinion, they’ll bring it up on their own. If they want your opinion, they’ll ask for it, and it is within that context that sharing your true feelings on the subject is appropriate.

In the meantime, be the supportive and loving friend you truly are (or should be). Invite your pal to grab a glass of bubbly to celebrate that sparkling new diamond… sparkling juice for the mom-to-be, of course.

BONUS TIP! If the good news isn’t yours personally, be sure to check with the rightful owner before you pass the details along to mutual friends, acquaintances or work associates. You don’t want to take away from their moment and you certainly don’t want to imply that your friendship is closer than theirs since you got the information directly.