Babies Don't Have Inside Voices

While returning via train from a glorious day trip to Toledo on my recent trip in Spain I experienced something unexpected: a couple encouraging their fairly young child to scream, coo and giggle in delight at their peek-a-boo antics. During my increased frustration at the regular, and surprisingly loud, intervals of baby excitement I was reminded of another traveler disturbing scene I have been party to: crying baby on a plane. In reflecting on how I deal with that sort of social scenario I honed in on an essential truth to remember, especially when in a shared space: BABIES DON’T HAVE INSIDE VOICES.

There’s an implicit “inside voice” rule that should be obeyed in any shared space. It applies to screaming teenagers and loud cell phone conservationists and people who have one-too-many happy hour cocktails and oh, yes, parents and they children they are responsible for.

I am, by nature, a loud and boisterous individual but I vigorously remember my parents interrupting me to insist that I use my “inside voice”. It took, thankfully, and I now use the phrase with anyone being inappropriately loud.

The thing is, while adults are capable of controlling their volume and tone, babies pretty much can’t control anything they do… and neither can their parents. When any child is loudly unhappy you must know that the parent is doing everything they can to quiet their child - crying annoys everyone, parents included. Chances are good that parent already feels self-conscious about exceeding the shared-space noise level or worse, about being labeled a bad parent for not being able to stop their crying child.

You should give that parent on the plane a break. You might even offer that parent a sympathetic smile. Or better yet, one of your free Southwest drink tickets. They probably need it more than you do.

I digress. In the same way that blaming loud, unhappy baby noises on the parent is inappropriate behavior for non-parents instigating loud, happy baby noises is inappropriate behavior for parents. It’s a subtle difference to appreciate, but there are always two sides to a social situation and in each there is a measure of personal responsibility.

Should you enjoy and play with your baby during a return train ride through the beautiful Spanish countryside? Of course! Should you initiate and draw out a game that elicits a high pitched shriek from your child every minute or so and disturbs the rest of the train patrons? No, you should not.

I’ll agree as anyone will that a happy baby beats a crying one (sleeping baby of course still trumps all) but in the interest of keeping baby happy parents must also be conscious of staying within the bounds of acceptable shared-space noise making. When you can control or influence behavior, you should.

Being purposefully loud in shared spaces is obnoxious no matter where the noise is coming from. Next time you’re on public transportation and your baby is ready to play entertain them with a story instead of tickling them. Just be sure to use your inside voice.