Babies Don't Have Inside Voices

While returning via train from a glorious day trip to Toledo on my recent trip in Spain I experienced something unexpected: a couple encouraging their fairly young child to scream, coo and giggle in delight at their peek-a-boo antics. During my increased frustration at the regular, and surprisingly loud, intervals of baby excitement I was reminded of another traveler disturbing scene I have been party to: crying baby on a plane. In reflecting on how I deal with that sort of social scenario I honed in on an essential truth to remember, especially when in a shared space: BABIES DON’T HAVE INSIDE VOICES.

There’s an implicit “inside voice” rule that should be obeyed in any shared space. It applies to screaming teenagers and loud cell phone conservationists and people who have one-too-many happy hour cocktails and oh, yes, parents and they children they are responsible for.

I am, by nature, a loud and boisterous individual but I vigorously remember my parents interrupting me to insist that I use my “inside voice”. It took, thankfully, and I now use the phrase with anyone being inappropriately loud.

The thing is, while adults are capable of controlling their volume and tone, babies pretty much can’t control anything they do… and neither can their parents. When any child is loudly unhappy you must know that the parent is doing everything they can to quiet their child - crying annoys everyone, parents included. Chances are good that parent already feels self-conscious about exceeding the shared-space noise level or worse, about being labeled a bad parent for not being able to stop their crying child.

You should give that parent on the plane a break. You might even offer that parent a sympathetic smile. Or better yet, one of your free Southwest drink tickets. They probably need it more than you do.

I digress. In the same way that blaming loud, unhappy baby noises on the parent is inappropriate behavior for non-parents instigating loud, happy baby noises is inappropriate behavior for parents. It’s a subtle difference to appreciate, but there are always two sides to a social situation and in each there is a measure of personal responsibility.

Should you enjoy and play with your baby during a return train ride through the beautiful Spanish countryside? Of course! Should you initiate and draw out a game that elicits a high pitched shriek from your child every minute or so and disturbs the rest of the train patrons? No, you should not.

I’ll agree as anyone will that a happy baby beats a crying one (sleeping baby of course still trumps all) but in the interest of keeping baby happy parents must also be conscious of staying within the bounds of acceptable shared-space noise making. When you can control or influence behavior, you should.

Being purposefully loud in shared spaces is obnoxious no matter where the noise is coming from. Next time you’re on public transportation and your baby is ready to play entertain them with a story instead of tickling them. Just be sure to use your inside voice.

If You Want Something, Ask For It.

The other day I took a mid-morning caffeine break with a friend and headed to the Dunkin Donuts. This friend happens to love blueberry cake donuts, and was saddened to see the DD was out. She decided to settle for glazed munchkins, but she only wanted one (this friend is also walking the fine line between pregnant and figure conscious). She said “I wonder if they would sell me just one - the sign says only dozen or half-dozen.” “Of course they will sell you just one”, I responded, and promptly ordered her one with my coffee.

Given the increased (and entirely inappropriate) level of entitlement our society seems to be supporting, I have to wonder why these same self-indulged people are so timid when it comes to straying from a meager printed menu at a fast food joint. IF YOU WANT SOMETHING, ASK FOR IT.

This is an important lesson - not just for purchasing but for customer service. I find that people are very quick to complain when something doesn’t meet their expectations but surprisingly unable to articulate what would ease their discomfort. What you want to do is so much more than complain. You want to reimbursed in some way for your dissatisfaction. Stop thinking that saying you don’t like something will result in you getting it for free. Take control of the situation and actually ask for what would make you feel better.

Not sure this life lesson applies to you? Here are some familiar situations to get you started:

• There are plenty of things you can buy that aren’t explicitly listed somewhere. Sometimes they cost extra, but often a company will customize something or provide you with a variation if that’s what you’re looking for. An old roommate of mine only ate “plain” things, and ordered buttered noodles every time we ate out. Every restaurant with any pasta on their menu made it for her with no issue.

• There are always special circumstances. If you happen to need a hotel late at night, say after midnight, several hotels have a 50% discounted rate since you’ll only be using half a night. Half a night is worth more to them than an empty room but they won’t offer it unless you ask.

• If you paid for something but received something else, the company that provided the service should fix it. I once got a car rental company to drive a new vehicle over an hour from the airport rental agency to our rented house in Park City Utah because the one they rented us should have been 4-wheel drive and wasn’t.
  

There’s another lesson here I want to make sure I touch base on. If you’re unhappy with something you’ve paid for, the time to express that unhappiness is as soon as you realize you’re unhappy with it. Don’t eat your meal, tell your server its fine, then ask for it to be removed from your bill when you get the check.

Be pleasant, not angry, when complaining to an establishment. Be firm, not threatening, when asking for any sort of compensation. If you’ve talked with multiple people at an establishment retain the details of those conversations (names, dates, etc) so that you can effectively negotiate. If you’re not getting anywhere with the first-level folks ask for their manager. You won’t always get what you ask for; its unreasonable to think just by asking someone will always oblige you, but the likelihood that you will get something, either what you asked for or some portion of it, will be infinitely increased if you tell the person what it is that you want.

When you’re the customer, it is your business that drives the success of the company providing you a service or product. Companies have a vested interest in making you happy and its your responsibility to tell them how to make that happen. Caveat Venditor.