Life Lesson: It's None Of Your Business

A few years ago a close coworker of mine was in a serious accident. I ended up being the first person the hospital was able to reach while sifting through her cell phone, looking to contact a family member. Fortunately I was able to get in touch with folks who had direct access to her family in short order, but due to the bizarre twist of events I ended up as one of the people with the most information about the accident and her condition in the days afterward.

• Sidenote Safety Tip! Identify at least a few contacts in your cell phone by starting the name with ICE, In Case of Emergency, so that these contacts are easily identified.

I am used to having the latest and greatest information on just about everything – people like to tell me things – but I felt uncomfortable knowing very personal details about a very private coworker when she probably wouldn’t have told me that information herself. I felt people were prying into her life, digging for details and asking me questions they would never have asked her directly. I became very protective of the information, not wanting to share anything I thought my coworker wouldn’t have told them herself.

I wasn’t always that considerate, in fact I used to be a really serious gossip. I don’t mean the kind that spreads unflattering rumors about people I don’t like, I was always careful to selectively share information so that the people I told didn’t have any likely overlap with the people I was talking about. Gossip extends to any talk about the private affairs of others, though, and I was definitely sharing information that wasn’t mine to share. I think I did it mostly because I felt important knowing what I knew, and quite honestly I didn’t have anything more interesting to talk about, which brings us to today’s life lesson.

Stop thinking that having information about what is happening in the lives of other people makes you a better friend of those people or more popular or more interesting. It doesn’t. AND IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

I know people were asking me about my coworker mostly because they were concerned about her health, but they also wanted the gruesome details of the accident. Just as I’m sure that when people “out” pregnant women they are in part excited for the pregnancy but that they also want to be the one to figure out the mystery and know they’re pregnant first. Getting information isn’t a contest, and chances are if someone hasn’t shared information with you it’s for a good reason.

There is so much our society feels entitled to, extending to all sorts of personal details about anyone and everyone. Too often we discuss and pass along information without any regard for the person the information is about. Everyone wants people to respect their personal boundaries, and no one wants to be judged by someone with information they have no business knowing.

Be the kind of person people want to share information with, whose opinion they value and who they trust can keep sensitive information contained. In fact, once people know they can trust you you’ll probably the one of the first ones they’ll tell. And isn’t that what you wanted all along?