You should always, always RSVP

RSVP, from the French phrase "répondez, s'il vous plaît," means "please reply." Since in English it is usually preceded by an additional please, as in “Please RSVP”, it actually translates to Please, PLEASE RSVP.

Why such a focus on letting the host know whether you’ll be in attendance? Because successful parties don’t appear out of thin air. Hosting an event involves planning and coordination in advance. It almost always requires knowing the number of guests so that the host can provide the correct amount of seating, favors, food and drink.

Hosting takes time and effort and money. These things the host does, for you, the guests, so that all can take part in honoring a specific guest or just having a great time. All they ask in return is the courtesy of your response as to whether you will be in attendance.

And yet, wedding after birthday party after baby shower, some of you refuse to extend this courtesy. It's completely unacceptable and you should stop doing it, immediately.

YOU SHOULD ALWAYS, ALWAYS RSVP to events requesting one. You should RSVP early, well in advance of the response date, should one be provided. I even think that the most courteous thing to do when you cannot firmly RSVP is to replay with a “likely yes“ or “likely no“ early on, and provide your final response closer to the event.

There are lots of things you should not be doing.

• You should not, under any circumstances, RSVP to the guest of honor. RSVPs go to the host, and giving yours to the guest of honor is flat out lazy. It also means that they now have to RSVP for you.
• You should not make the hostess track you down to get your RSVP, forcing them to ask you personally, or have to get your contact information from other guests or even worse, the guest of honor.
• You should not make excuses for why you didn’t RSVP on time. You’re a grown up, who should be capable of managing your own schedule. If you do RSVP late, just apologize.
• You should not ask the guest of honor about the RSVP due date or other details of the event. Guests of honor are meant to attend events, not host them. Besides the fact that they often aren’t given details outside of where and when to show up, you were given host information on your initiation and you should direct any questions you have their way.

Lost your invitation? First ask the host, and if you don’t know them, ask someone else you know that was invited. If you don’t know either, you can ask the guest of honor - for the contact information of the host. That’s it. You are responsible for losing the invitation and you are responsible for searching out whatever information you now need.

If you don’t respect the host or the guest of honor or if you don’t appreciate their efforts to include you in an event, then by all means, demonstrate that by withholding your RSVP. Otherwise, muster up the social grace to reply to the host with a simple Yes or No. It’s the least you can do.