Stop Focusing on What You Want and Notice What You Have

I turned thirty this year and with age comes wisdom. I’ve recently had an epiphany that I think applies to more than just myself (not that I’m not willing to share my skin care regime designed to keep me looking this age indefinitely).

For the last few years I’ve mostly been single, and by single I mean that I haven’t had a significant enough significant other to bring to consecutive family events or introduce to the inner circle of my friends outside of a screening date. Most of the time I don’t think twice about it; I’ll meet someone when its time. Sometimes, though, what I really want is a boyfriend, someone who really knows me and is there for social events and family events and hard times.

Sometimes I even have a little pity party for myself, like when I feel I have to find a date to bring to a friend’s wedding because I’m the only non-couple. But when my grandmother recently passed away I finally opened my eyes and noticed something: everything I needed was right in front of me.

There was an unbelievable amount of love and support flowing in from all directions heading directly at me. Besides my family, so many of my friends in the area made it to the wake, several sent flowers, one of them picked up a prescription I wasn’t able to grab in time and one of them even offered to take off work the day of the funeral to be my “other” for the day.

The Rolling Stones said it best: “You can’t always get what you want… [but] you just might find you get what you need.” I would have thought grieving would be easier with a boyfriend in tow, but what I needed to grieve was support, and I had plenty of that available.

Its not just about being single. A lot of my friends look to a specific individual to provide them with something, and they’re disappointed if that individual doesn’t meet their expectations.

I knew a bride who had this mental picture of the role she wanted her Maid of Honor to play in the planning of her wedding; she wanted her to be there for the dress shopping and the location scouting and for all the guest list venting. Thing is, this MOH in particular didn’t really have the skill set necessary to be a bride’s right hand gal, she hadn’t been in very many weddings, was away at college and didn’t really demonstrate the interest in girly details that one needs to provide feedback on invitations and flowers and centerpieces.

What this bride did have was two in-town bridesmaids with plenty of prior wedding know how and the willingness to make time to plan showers and address envelopes. It wasn’t what she wanted, but I believe that bride had everything she actually looking for: the support and enthusiasm of multiple bridesmaids throughout the wedding planning.

The revelation? STOP FOCUSING ON WHAT YOU WANT AND NOTICE WHAT YOU HAVE. Don’t waste your time wishing you had that special someone to share something with or being disappointed in a specific person’s behavior. Be thankful for the people you do have in your life and appreciate who they are to you.

It won’t be true all the time, but chances are what you need is already there. All you have to do is open your eyes and take it in.